Heinie Flu

So, we’re not supposed to call Swine Flu Swine Flu anymore because people are afraid to eat bacon and Egypt’s slaughtering all their pigs. I bet those poor pigs don’t even have a sniffle.

Apparently we’re supposed to call it the H1N1 Flu. Well, that doesn’t have a nice ring to it. SARS. Bird Flu. Swine Flu. Those are terms the media can exploit and people can get all up in arms about. H1N1? That’s no good!

To me, if you pronounce it the way it looks, it sounds like Heinie Flu. And since one of the symptoms is a rather disagreeable bowel condition, it’s kind of fitting.

I’m certainly not trying to make light of a very real virus that’s affecting a lot of people. Well, I suppose I am in a way. But this is more about how the media is capable of creating unnecessary panic when it’s simply not called for.

Criminy, upwards of a half a million people die annually from just the regular old flu each year. And while it certainly pays to be cautious when we have an official pandemic on our hands, I don’t think the people in Duluth should be afraid to eat a ham sandwich.

And I just really feel bad for all those poor pigs in Egypt. So, the Heinie Flu it is.

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3 Responses to Heinie Flu

  1. Shannon says:

    This post alone made my day. Just so you know.

  2. Carly says:

    i am seriously toppling over with laughter – i love you too much

  3. Anonymous says:

    I can’t believe you didn’t tell the world that the day after you posted this, a major “shock-jock” radio program was using your joke. ;-)Once again, no list for me to work with. Still, there’s nothing funnier than something you’re not supposed to laugh at. My favorite sentence: “Criminy, upwards of a half a million people die annually from just the regular old flu each year.”1) I’m just glad to know how to spell “criminy.”2) “Annually” looks like “anally.” Sorry, poop jokes still make me laugh.Love you!

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