Witty Banter?

Girls, your mommy and daddy trade emails all day long. Every day that I’m at work, your daddy is not only diligently keeping you fed, dressed and somewhat clean, he’s keeping me up to date on all your shenanigans. The good, the bad and the snotty, I get to hear about pretty much all of it in real-time. It makes it a lot easier to get through my days without you, and I like to think it helps your daddy to be able to communicate with someone on a regular basis that doesn’t like to stick Cheerios between her toes before she eats them.

Daddy:

POP QUIZ!!! Subject: Average toddler behavior.

So, your child is quickly approaching the 18-month mark, and therefore the “terrible twos”. In that respect, it is important to recognize normal (if undesireable behavior) in you toddler.

Situation: your child wants to wear a specific pair of shoes. She communicates this by bringing you one of the two. After putting it on her, you encourage her to go find the match. She:
A) looks at you quizzically, not following (or possibly understanding) your command and/or language.
B) gets distracted by the tv/toy/shiny object and wanders away, resigned to wear a solitary shoe.
C) throws a fit, demanding (through words and/or actions) that YOU do the searching for her.
D) combines some/all of the previous answers, creating chaos for all involved.
E) just does as she was asked, and all is well. Then unicorns arrive and fart rainbows everywhere.

Your answer? (Hint: one of those answers is a trap.) I doubt you’ll get this right, but I’ll give bonus points if you can identify the trap answer.

Mommy:

I’m going to go with E is what happened, and D is the trap. Unicorns like frozen grapes and pink ribbons braided into their tails. Please try to keep them in the backyard until I get home, m’kay???

Daddy:

Oh, how sad. Wrong on both counts. E was actually the trap. The giveaway? Unicorns don’t fart.

The correct answer was the hidden answer “H”:
H) Your baby is actually sick, and therefore more irritable. So, obviously she listens to you ask for the second shoe, and goes to look for it. She cannot find it in her shoe basket, so (in an act of obvious frustration) she calmly walks over to the toy basket & looks there, seemingly remembering that many of the shoes were in there yesterday. When that also proves fruitless, she expresses her impatience by waiting her turn (her twin sister is currently getting her shoes, a matched set that the first girl found for her, put on) until her parent can get up and help her. Then, in a final attempt to push you over the edge of sanity, she signs and says, “Thank you!”. With all the pretty hair.

Thank you for your participation. Please watch for your final score and national ranking to arrive in 6-8 weeks via USPS.

Marlowe, you and your sister never cease to amaze us. This is how you handle your first cold, miserable and gooey and sick, the both of you. I know grown adults that don’t handle illness half as well. Just for that, I think I’ll kiss you both two hundred times when I get home tonight.

Although I’m a little disappointed about the unicorns.

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